To get away from all the hungry people.

Tonight I ate meat for the first time since the summer of 1993.

Okay, technically that isn't true. I've had the random bite of fried chicken or such every now and then since '93. And in Mexico once I had a ground chicken burger cause it was the least offensive meat on the menu.

But tonight, tonight I made meat and potatoes. A whole roasted chicken with thyme and lemon with potatoes and carrots. I came home from work and started cooking. Felt very old-skool house-wifey. Everything was in the oven when E came home. Around 8 I had had it and was starving. We took the bird out -- the leg seemed loose in the socket to me and the juices ran clear. But when E cut into the thigh he said it was undercooked. So he popped it back in the oven. I left it to him to finish dinner. We finally sat down to eat around 9.

Now that I've eaten it, I feel... weird. It wasn't as bad as I was afraid it might be. The texture was a bit stringy and I had to chew more than I'm used to. But there wasn't tons of flavor, actually. At least it didn't taste like blood (guess it was a good thing that it was dried out after all). My mouth feels kinda greasy now, though. So far my stomach feels okay, which is also good.

I'm hoping that I see a big spike in my energy levels now. We've decided to add back soy later this week and then call off the food challenge. I really can't believe that I'm allergic to tomatoes or oranges. Soy could be a likely culprit, so we'll test that one. Otherwise we're just going back on Weight Watchers. The plan is little to no processed foods, as little refined sugar as possible, and chicken maybe once a week.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to eat meat again. I stopped eating it all those years ago for mostly animal rights and environmental reasons. At times I had said that if I could afford to get the free-range, organic, local, happy chicken I would. Price is no longer a reason to not eat it. And I would only get the happy chickens. I'm actually okay with the animal rights part of it since I wouldn't be paying into the factory farm aspect. Which is a main reason for not getting meat at a restaurant.

But I've realized that so much of my identity is wrapped up with being vegetarian. I mean, it's been almost 15 years now -- all my adult life. It's just who I am. Who am I if I'm not a vegetarian? Am I somehow not being true to myself? I know lots of people go back to eating meat. It's not like I'm doing it because I suddenly hate chickens. I'm hoping it's part of the solution for stopping my constant exhaustion. That's a good reason to do it.

*sigh* I just don't know. I do know that I want to feel better. And if eating chicken again is the price I have to pay, well, I think I very likely will suck it up and do that.